you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
