im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
