yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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