I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
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