Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
