Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
