haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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