What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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