he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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