I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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