Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
