Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
