I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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