Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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