the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
