I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Boobs are out for the taking
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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