gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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