you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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