ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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