actually, I'm a sock model
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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