I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
