see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Can you bring me the toilet please
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
