I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
