My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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