i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
