my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
