I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i already hear my dad disowning me
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
