I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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