So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
