I wanna bring you to show and tell
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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