i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
