your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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