Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
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Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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