Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
