Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
