Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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