I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
