I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
