i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
