Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
