is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I am full of burrito and curiosity
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
