Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize
