If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
