so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
