just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
