You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
