i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
