You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
