fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
