there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
