Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Every concussion has its silver lining
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
