Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Rumble strips road head = magical
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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