you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
