I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Text me some of your sweat
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
