Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
