Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
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