i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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