i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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