Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
